To love and die in El Paso, Texas
by Raidersrule76
Summary: Sequel to Pre Teen Titans... kinda. Raven and Beast Boy go on a romantic not really trip to El Paso, Texas... but something is wrong. More humor than romance. Full summary inside. M to be safe. Safe I say! Safe! Finally finished!
1. No name available at this time

RR76: It's time for everybodys favorite thing- SEQUELS!!! This, my dear friends, is the sequel to Pre Teen Titans. It deals with what happens during the epilouge. Raven and Beast Boy are off on a dream vacation- only instead of somewhere good, they go to the El Paso, Texas Valley Lodge. But they take a wrong turn, and discover an evil cult that, according to the movie box "Seduces beutiful women only to deface them with a burning hand!" If anyone read Code Lyoko Insanity: The Movie, or certain parts of Pre Teen Titans, they would have already known about this. So... just read it.

Oh, and if I decide so, Carson (From my story that NOBODY HAS REVIEWED) will show up, along with... MEEE!!! And Crow T. Robot is living with the Titans. Now, do the dislamer Make-Out Couple.

MAKE OUT GUY: Raidersrule76 does not own the Teen Titans, El Paso, Texas, or any of the charecters mentioned here, as it is based on a crappy movie made in the 60s.

CARSON: He owns me!

MAKE OUT CHICK: Yeah, whatever. Hey, Make Out Guy, wanna drink some Ny-quil with me and make out some more in a convertible on a desert road in Texas?

M.O.G: Sure! (drinks Ny-quil and runs off with Make-Out Chick into a barn. Strange noises erupt soon after.)

RR76: This is a problem... Trespasser, grenade that barn for me, will ya?

TRESPASSER: With great pleasure... (throws grenade into barn)

CARSON: I thought I was the one who blew things up for you!

(Barn blows up)

RR76: You can blow up Terra, K?

BLOWBOT: But that is my job. I am the one who blows things.

(Trespasser shoots Blowbot. World cheers)

TRESPASSER: Thank you, and good night America!!!

RR76: Yes, well... Read on! Oh, for the record:

CARSON BIO THINGY: I decided to add him!  
HEIGHT: 5' 6"  
WEIGHT: 102 IBS  
AGE: 14  
APPEARENCE: For now, black pants, black long sleeve shirt, black cloak, short dark hair. No, he is not goth.  
WEAPON: Guns. guns, and a cutlass. Or katana, depends on his mood.  
BIO: Nothing is known about him, except that he is wanted by the military for questioning. When asked about this, he just smiles and shakes his head.

CROW T. ROBOT BIO THING:  
HEIGHT: 3'  
WEIGHT: 156 IBS (he's a robot!)  
AGE: Right about now... he'd be about 18, I guess. Robots don't age.  
WEAPON: None. Unless you count his sense of humor. He's alot better that Beast Boy at humor.  
APPEARENCE: Um... here's a link to a picture of him.  
LINK TO PICTURE OF CROW: ken/k24.htm  
BIO: Built by Joel Robinson, a janitor trapped in space, Crow and his companions Tom Servo (another robot) Joel (later he left, replaced by Mike) and Gypsy (robot) spent 10 years being forced to watch bad movies, like Space Mutiny, The Wild Wild World of Batwoman, and Cave Dwellers. After a brief time as a Pre Teen Titan, Crow joined the Teen Titans. He contributes nothing- except humor.

Raven stirred as the first rays of light hit her window. She blinked rapidly to clear her vision and looked next to her. The first thing she noticed was that Beast Boy was no longer in her bed (A/N: No, they did not do 'that'. PERVERTS!!!). He had probably gotten up early to make breakfast. He always knew what everybody wanted: Eggs and toast for Robin, ham and eggs for Cyborg (which he never made, much to Cy's annoyance), Tamaranian Gzzzllbzzklllk (which he did not, nor did he want to, know how to make) for Starfire, tofu eggs for him (duh), and a glass of herbal tea for his beloved Raven. Carson didn't eat much, and Crow didn't eat at all.

It had been about a year since the Pre Teen Titans were defeated. Beast Boy had finally noticed her, and the two of them were never happier. Cyborg and Robin had given Beast Boy a hard time for a while, but it died down after Robin took Starfire to a romantic trip to SomeislandintheCarribian. Cyborg hadn't gotten a girl yet, and Crow... well, he was a robot. Making fun of bad movies was his life and passion. As for Carson... he kept his feelings hidden, but Starfire had always thought he liked Raven. How could she tell anyway?

Raven showered and brushed her teeth, then went into the living room, where her guess was proven right. Starfire was giving lessons to Beast Boy on how to make Gzzzllbzzklllk, using only the finest ingredients available, in this case, cow intestine, slugs, and sunflowers. Beast Boy looked greener than usual, and Raven couldn't help but giggle softly. The plate of Gzzzllbzzklllk exploded in Beast Boy and Starfire's faces, and he ran into the bathroom, vomited, and came back out with a big grin on his face.

"Hey Rae, took your time getting up this morning, didn't you?" Beast Boy said, and moved his face close to Ravens.

"Ew, get away, you just threw up. Remember?" Raven said dryly. Beast Boy gave her a sad look, and she hugged him out of pity. When she let go of him, the grin had returned. "Sucker!" he said mischeviosly. "I knew I could get you to do anything if I just looked sad enough." Raven gave him a playful shove and sat down at he table, where her herbal tea was waiting for her, albeit cold now.

In the living room, Cyborg and Robing were playing a game of Madden 2004 (Cyborg hadn't bought 2005 yet- he decided NFL 2K5 was 'just as good'), with Robin being the Browns and Cyborg the Raiders. Starfire had cleaned the Gzzzllbzzklllk off her clothes and was now watching Tim Couch throw an interception.

"Truly wonderful Robin! Your tactics of throwing the ball to the small man with the number '26' on his shirt must be part of your strategy!" she said. Cyborg grinned at Robin, who just glowered at the screen. Starfire looked puzzled. "What is wrong Robin? Was this not planned by you to give you an edge against friend Cyborg?"

"Tim Couch threw an interception, which Rod Woodson returned for a touchdown. Robin is losing 34-12 in the third quarter," Carson said, looking up from book the book he was reading (How to Make People Suffer). He had been reading quietly on the edge of the couch up until now. "If this is a strategy, it's a pretty damn bad one."

"What did you expect?" said Crow. "It's the Browns! They suck more than the Raiders!"

"Hey, we beat you last year, Viking boy, so shut up!" Cyborg snapped at Crow (who is a Vikings fan, his show was produced in Minnesota). When it came to the Raiders, Cyborg was incredibly defensive, more so than with his 'baby'. Carson just looked at Crow and scooted further down the couch (yes, he is a Raider fan. Who isn't in Teen Titans?)

Raven finished her cup of tea and leaned against the couch. A few minutes later Beast Boy joined her in her leaning, while at the same time looking through the mail.

"Bill, bill, bill, fan mail, fan mail, bill, fan mail, million dollar finalist- subscription to Guns Monthly?" Carson raised his hand and Beast Boy tossed it to him. "bill, hot women want you- really?" Raven gave him a dirty look and Beast Boy sweatdropped. "Heh heh... kidding. Bill, chain letter, Gotham times (Robin grabbed it, dropped the pad, and looked through it with the "Who is Slade?" look in his eyes. Or thin black strips of fabric over his eyes, y'know.) Car weekly ("Put it on the table" said Cyborg, still caught up in his game), and- hey!"

"What is it?" Carson asked, looking up. Cyborg paused and looked at Beast Boy, while Robin just said absently, "Who is Slade?"

"Check this out! 'You and your girlfriend have earned a trip to scenic... El Paso, Texas? What the hell is in El Paso?"

Crow froze. His goldenrod colored head turned in a "The Exorcist" kind of way to stare at Beast Boy. "What did you say?" he whispered in a voice filled with dread.

"Uh... what the hell is in El Paso?" Beast Boy said shakily.

Crow screamed in horror and ran into the hallway straight to his room, screaming all the way. Carson stared down the hallway after Crow. He shook his head and muttered something about unstable robot Vikings fans and went back to his book.

"So... who goes to El Paso?" Robin said. Everybody turned to look at him, shocked that he tore himself away from his newspaper for a few seconds. "I mean, it said, 'you and your girlfriend'. That rules out Cyborg, Crow, and Carson (who gave Robin a look (not like that PERVERTS!!!)). So it's either me and Star, or BB and Raven."

"How about Russian Roulette?" Carson asked, pulling out his trademark Colt .45 revolver.

"How about we draw straws?" suggested Cyborg, pulling a handful of straw out of nowhere.

They all agreed and drew the straws. Raven got the short one, so she and Beast Boy won.

"How about two out of three?" Robin said desperatly.

"You already had your romantic vacation, remember?" Beast Boy said, irritated.

"Yes, Robin was quite mysterious under the co-mmph!" Starfire was cut off in mid sentence by a beet red Robin

Then the problem came: How would Raven and Beast Boy get to El Paso?

"I'll drive you." Cyborg said casually.

"I'll come with, in case you need a relief driver." Carson said.

"You're not even old enough to drive, o smart one," Cyborg said to Carson. Carson glowered and stared at Beast Boy with jealously in his eyes (yep, he likes Raven).

An hour later the three Titans had left in the T-Car... unaware of the dangers ahead of them.

RR76: Muahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Now review, or face the wrath of the Raider Nation! And I'm serious this time!

TRESPASSER: Just look at what we did to Terra.

(Camera pans over to Terra's mutilated body)


	2. Meeting Torgo

JAMES, THE RETARDED MONKEY: Hi, I'm James, and I'll be doing the disclamer today, seeing as how Raidersrule76 is so BUSY

(RR76 is stabbing Terra)

JAMES: HEY! RR76! OVER HERE DUMBASS!

RR76: I don't like my creations talking back to me! (stabs James)

RR76: Anyway, this will be my update. For the rest of the week, I will not be able to do jack $hit, so there. Time for review responses.

**fourthelement: **Crow is a guy. Or as much as a guy as a robot could be. Glad you liked it, I'm looking forward to the next chapter of When Fans Attack.

**XxKajix0xMizuxX: **Your stories are NOT sucky! Why do you think they're on my favorite storie list?! Oh, and yes, I am quite proud of killing Terra.

**Digital-DNA:** Thank you. Your review made me think about pie. Why? I don't know.

RR76: Please do the disclamer Trespasser.

TRESPASSER: RR76 does not own anything in this story.

CARSON: Except me!

(RR76 punches Carson)

Now read the damn story!

"Are we there yet?" "If you ask me that one more time, so help me, I'll blast your green ass to China!" This exchange was commen during the 12 hour trip to El Paso. It stopped about halfway into the trip, and when Cyborg looked back at Raven and Beast Boy, he saw the two of them making out. Cyborg groaned. "Aww, c'mon guys, you're gonna get... uh... bodily fluids all over my leather seats! Can't you save it for the vacation?"

"This IS the vacation Cyborg," Raven said, breaking off for 5 seconds before resuming making out. Cyborg sighed and concentrated on the road, and not on the... er... lovers in the back seat. It paid off when he saw a sign on the side of the road. He squinted to read it.

"Valley... loogie? Is that what it- oh, valley LODGE..." Cyborg said to himself. It was hard to read- the D was squished between the O and G, making it seem like another O. He turned in the direction the sign pointed in and kept driving. Unfortunately, the sign directed them to a desert with nothing but a bunch of shrubs, a couple making out on the side of the road, and a crappy jazz band.

MEANWHILE...

In Titan's tower, things were far from perfect. Crow hadn't come out of his room in hours, and the other Titans (well, okay, just Robin and Star) were growing worried.

"Crow hasn't come out of his room in hours (see?)" Robin said worridly. "Maybe we should check on him, or something."

"I ain't complaining," Carson said, still reading How to make people suffer. "As long as he's quiet, I'm happy. You ask me, it's alot more peaceful without him around."

"And that's why nobody ever asks you," said RR76 from the kitchen. Carson gave him a dirty look, but kept reading anyway.

"Should we not check on friend Crow?" Starfire asked. Before anyone could answer, she was already going down the hall to his room, Robin right behind her. Carson sighed, and after a moment, followed after the two.

IN EL PASO...

Another 6 hours of driving aimlessly were almost wasted, until Cyborg spotted a shack in the distance. By now Raven and Beast Boy had stopped making out.

"That's weird," Cybrog muttered. "That shack wasn't here a second ago."

"Let's stop here for the night," said Beast Boy. "It's getting dark, and I am NOT sleeping in this car."

"You tryin' to say something about my baby, you little grass stain?!" Cyborg snapped angrily.

"Both of you calm down, let's just stop here and ask for directions to the nearest hotel." Raven said calmly, soothing the two Titans into submission.

"You're so smart," Beast Boy said adoringly. "That's why I love you." Raven smiled and they started making out again, but the car stopped in front of the house, and the three stepped out of the car to see the strangest thing they had ever seen. And they'd been to Tamaran, Canada, and a Charger home game.

A man stood in the doorway. He had a tan coat, a wide brimmed hat, and a beard. He leaned on a cane with a hand at the top. He kept twitching and jerking, as if he was having a seizure.

"Well... he seems nice." Raven said tentatively. Nobody spoke for a moment.

After an eternity, the man spoke. "I am Torgo," he said in a loud, yet shaky, voice. "I take care of the place while the Master is away." Torgo looked at the Titans, and said, "But the child! I'm not sure the Master would approve! Or the worm. The Master doesn't like worms."

Silkie fell out of the T-Car and started flopping towards Beast Boy. Cyborg was horrified. "You brought that... that... WORM?! He could've gotten slime all over my interior!" He started to run to the T-Car but Raven grabbed him in her trademark black magic and held him in place.

"Uh... Torgo, was it?" Beast Boy asked. "Um... we were wondering, where would the Valley Lodge be?"

"There is no place like that around here." Torgo said in his strange, quivery voice.

"Then could you tell us how to get out of this place?" Raven asked.

Torgo was silent for a moment, but spoke up. "There is no way out of here. It'll be dark soon. There is no way out of here."

More silence, then Cyborg tried filling in the blank. "It'll be dark soon...?"

"Why don't we spend the night here?" Beast Boy suggested. Raven glared at him.

"I don't think this would be a nice place to stay the night." said Raven in a this-place-sucks-ass tone.

"And, the Mas,ter wouldn't approve!" Torgo said hurredly.

"It's only one night; I'm sure the Master won't mind. How about it Torgo?" Beast Boy pressed.

"I... don't know about it. I just don't know." Torgo said, pondering. After another eternity, he decided. "Very well. The Ma,ster will be most disturbed."Raven folded her arms and gave Beast Boy a "you're going to regret this" look before the two of them went inside. Torgo and Cyborg stayed outside. "I will get the luggage". He started walking to the T-Car, his massive knees making him wobble awkwardly. Cyborg beat him there, and waited an extra five minutes for Torgo to catch up. Torgo picked up a bag. "You cannot stay. The Master would not, approve."

Then he started walking to the house again, like a wounded turkey. Cyborg looked at Torgo and wondered if Beast Boy made the right choice staying here.

RR76: And that's all for now. Now review! Oh, and if anyone wants to hear Torgo's theme, leave your email adress and I will send it to you.

TRESPASSER: But he didn't write it, nor does he own Torgo or his theme song!

RR76: What he said!


	3. Crow needs psych help

RR76: I'm back! After a week long visit to my ultra-conservative grandmother, I can finally update this! For those of you interested, my brother was fired from work today, meaning I'll be able to update a LOT less. So yeah. Now for responses to reviews for ALL MY STORIES!!!

**dancingirl3: People love that Terra-death, don't they? Thanks for liking.**

**PRE TEEN TITANS REVIEWS:**

**OG LOCO CHARGERS FAN: ..............**

**Queen-Of-Azerath: Thank you! You are a nice person. And stuff. **

**PRE TEEN TITANS THEME SONG:**

**Mortos: Thanks. Keep writing.**

**Queen-Of-Azerath: Re: ultra conservative grandmother. Sorry! I'll review one of your stories as soon as I can. I promise. This may be out of date, because I've reviewed 2 of your stories since I got back. So yeah.**

**CARSON:**

**fourthelement: Again, YOU ARE THE GREATEST PERSON ON EARTH!! Now I can update that tomorrow... if I've got time... damn brother...**

**I WAS BETRAYED:**

**MORTOS: Close. Robin, then BB, Raven, Terra. You almost got it right though.**

**SLADE'S NEW APPRENTICE:**

**Ravens-Despair: Glad ya liked. Cartman was the best choice, I guess! :)**

And that's over with. Please do the disclamer Trespasser.

TRESPASSER: RR76 does not... wait, didn't you say this last chapter?

PETPETANGEL: And the one before that?

RR76: Gah! Where'd you come from?!

PETPETANGEL: Well, you see, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they-

RR76&TRESPASSER: LALALALALALALALALALAIMNOTLISTENINGLALALALALALALALALA!!!

PETPETANGEL: Um...

RR76: Is it over?

CARSON: I think so...

TRESPASSER: WOULD YOU STOP THAT?!

CARSON: Stop what?

RR76: Ugh... (punches Carson)

RR76: Just... read it.

The shack wasn't the most luxurious place they'd ever been-okay, they were spoiled by the tower, but hey (that rhymes!!!)- but it was decent. For some reason, though, a pair of lampray eels were mounted on the wall, and Torgo seemed to have a shrine to Baal (RR76: That also rhymes! PPA/TRES.: SHUT UP!!!) on the fireplace. Weird... but seeing as how she was the most Goth person on the Earth, Raven didn't seem to mind. She had a problem with just one thing: Silkie. Beast Boy actually brought it with them on their romantic getaway?! Or as close to romantic as you can get with a freaky, large knee-ed thing as your butler, but still! It just... didn't seem right.

Cyborg came in carrying the last of the luggage and set in on the floor by the couch, where Silkie eagerly began climbing all over it. Cyborg cringed, wondering what he did to his leather seats,

but decided not to dwell on it. He looked over at Raven and Beast Boy, who were stairing at a painting on the wall.

The man in the painting was pale, with black hair, black eyes, and a cloak with really cheesy red hands stitched on (RR76: Picture a gay Frank Zappa. PPA: DO YOU EVER SHUT UP?!)

To his left sat a doberman with a spiked collar.

"That must be the Master," Beast Boy said. "You know, the one who 'wouldn't approve'?"

"Duh," Raven said sarcastically. They stared at the painting, but their concentration was broken when Torgo walked in carrying the luggage that "the Master would not approve of" Cyborg carrying. He took the bags into the other room and disappeared behind the door.

"Did anyone else hear really crappy clairenet (sp?) music as Torgo walked by?" Beast Boy asked. The others shrugged.

Torgo walked in at that moment, and for some reason, tapped Beast Boy lightly on the shoulder with his staff. Beast Boy jumped slightly, much to Raven's amusement.

"See?" she said. "That's the playful side of Torgo! He's not just a deformed hell beast."

"Just as God ma,de me, ma'am" Torgo said, hurt. Beast Boy and Cyborg gave Raven a look.

"That was something I'd excpect from Beast Boy," Cyborg admonished.

"Looks like I'm rubbin off on you Rae," Beast Boy said smugly.

"That's not something I'd really mind," Raven said with a mischevious grin on her face. Beast Boy returned the grin and moved to embrace Raven. Cyborg slapped his forehead and tried to think of something besides... that. Finally, he remembered.

"Hey Torgo," he asked. "Is that the Master in that painting?" Torgo jerked his head down slightly, indicating a yes. "Where is he?"

Beast Boy started jerking in an imitation of Torgo. "He's in, Housten, this week!" he said in a Torgo like voice. Raven giggled softly, and one of the lampray eels exploded. She blushed and covered her head in her hood.

"Guys!" Cyborg hissed. He turned back to Torgo. "Where is he?"

"He has left us," Torgo said. "But he is with us always!" He looked at the painting. "No matter where we go, he is with us always!"

Raven and Beast Boy exchanged a look. "I wonder what the hell THAT means..." Raven said quietly.

DODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODO!!!

Robin knocked on Crows' door. "Um... hey Crow," he said carefully, "Are you... okay? You kinda ran out of there in a hurry when Beast Boy said 'El Paso'."

A scream was heared on the other side, followed by the words "evil... hands... manure..." Carson rolled his eyes. "Nice job Robin. You made him MORE psychotic!"

"You think you can do a better job?!" Robin snapped angrily at Carson. His younger teammate shrugged and stepped in front of him.

"Crow," Carson said meanacingly. "If you don't come out right now, so help me, I'll break this door down myself!"

"Bite me, Raider boy!" the robot shouted back.

"THAT'S IT!" Carson shouted. He drew his revolver, emptied it into the door, then drew his cutlass and started hacking away. Robin and Starfire backed away cautiously to the living room.

Robin picked up the phone and started dialing a number. "Who are you calling Robin?" Starfire asked.

"The only person who can help us now..." Robin said, determined. He held the phone to his ear and said in a clear voice, "Hello, is this ConGypsCo?"

RR76: None of you know what the hell I'm planning next!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

PPA/TRES: (sweatdrop)

RR76: Please review. Now. Or die!!! DIE!!!!

PPA/TRES: (another sweatdrop)

RR76: You guys got a fever or something?


	4. But beefsteak is delicious!

**WARNING:** You may or may not hate me after reading this chapter. If you hate randomness, leave now, Bye!!!**  
**

**Review Responses:**

**Jogerm904: Hope you enjoyed Torgo's theme.**

**Jogerm904 (again): I read the thing about the mashed potatoes. Other than that, I have the following to say: ??? Eh. Randomness is cool.**

RR76: Minimum days at school, meaning I can update! Yay!!! (stabs Terra)

TRESPASSER: Do you ever do anything other than stab her?

RR76: Sometimes I broil her!

TRESPASSER: ....

RR76: Fine... mind doing the disclamer?

TRESPASSER: Do I get paid?

RR76: No.

TRESPASSER: Do I get to blow anything up?

RR76: You can blow up Terra.

TRESPASSER: Do it yourself, lazy bum.

RR76: I own nothing. Except Carson. I also do not own many of the jokes that may appear in this. So there. Now read, or DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A bloodcurdling howl was heard outside, making the 3 Titans jump. Well, Cyborg and Raven jumped, Beast Boy turned into a fluffy kitty and hid under Raven's cloak. Torgo was unfazed and just kept wobbling and jerking wildly.

"You guys stay here," Cyborg said to Raven and Beast Boy. "I'll go check that out." He opened the door, only to have Silkie waddle out and inch his way out of Cyborg's view. Cyborg heard evil noises coming from the side of the house, followed by an onrush of evil evilness (writers block...) He rushed to where he heard the evil noises and was horrified by what he saw.

Silkie lay on the ground. Only it wasn't Silkie. It was... a copy of the 1976 Oscar winning movie Rocky starring Sylvester Stalone! Dun Dun Dun!!! (I'm kidding. Silkie was dead.) Suddenly, Cyborg felt constipated, but couldn't do anything about it. He rushed back to the house to get some laxatives, when he saw Raven in the doorway and remembered: Robots don't get constipated.

"What happened?" Raven demanded. "Where's Silkie?"

"He's dead, Silkie's been killed. And I feel constipated. Mind explaining that?" Cyborg shot back. Raven just shrugged.

"Beast Boy's asleep on the couch. How will we break it to him?" Raven said softly. Cyborg shrugged his massive shouldars and the two stepped inside to see the shape shifter lying fast asleep on the couch. Then all of a sudden, for some reason, he wasn't asleep anymore. He was awake. Plothole.

"Um..." Raven struggled to find the right words. "Sweetie, Silkie's dead-" She slapped her forehead and muttered "That came out all wrong..."

Beast Boy's face twitched for a moment, but he shrugged (that's three...). "Eh. He was more Star's pet than mine."

"You know," Raven said, looking at her teammates. "I really don't think this is a good place to spend our vacation. And I would like to leave." She looked at Cyborg. "Now."

"What am I, a chauffer?!" Cyborg demanded, but Raven had strode past him and shouted for Torgo. The aforementioned possible hellbeast emerged through a door and leaned against the frame. "You calle,d, madam?"

"We're leaving, put the luggage back in the car. Fast, dammit!" Raven snapped.

"Look, can you do it?" Torgo insisted, and then started touching Raven's hair.

"The Master likes you. He wants you for his wife. He loves beutiful women. But he can't have you, I want you! He can't have you, I want you! The Master likes you," Torgo babbled. Beast Boy turned into a gorrila and punched Torgo into a wall.

"Screw this, we're out of here," Beast Boy said after regaining his normal form.

Meanwhile, Cyborg discovered that the car wouldn't start, because a plothole made it not start! Or something.

READMYOTHERSTORIES

READMYOTHERSTORIES

READMYOTHERSTORIES

Back in the tower, Robin was beating Terra over the head with a stick, when Starfire came in.

"Robin," she said clearly, "I have done as you asked, and brought back many movies of the letter 'B', for which to make friend Crow not be psychotic anymore. I have with me 'Rescuing Lieutenant Carl', 'Planetary Journey five and three quarters', 'Master of the Drug Rings', and 'My Friend, What Is The Location Of My Automobile,'"

"Perfect Star. Carson, bring him in." said The Mysterious Commanding Voice From Beyond The Netherlands.

Carson came out, with Crow tied to a piece of some kind of meatloaf. Crow was still babbling incoherently.

"All right Crow," Robin said softly. "Here's some crappy movies for you to watch... and heal."

5 HOURS LATER...

"Robin, dammit, I know the movie's bad but STOP TRYING TO HANG YOURSELF DAMMIT!!!" Carson shouted. Crow was still watching 'Planetary Journey 5 3/4'.

"Splosh!" Colonial Brick was saying. "We must stop Buddha from...destroying the Interplanatery Conglomerant of People with Nothing Better To Do (ICPNB)!"

"Tim, god &( stop &( or I'll && kick your $& dammit!" Dr. Gumflot was sneezing through his windpipe.

"EAT THE BEEFSTAKE!! EAT IT!!!"

"NEVER!!!"

"BUT BEEFSTEAK IS DELICIOUS!!!"

"NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!"

"...okay, the author's lost it. Let's go after Beast Boy and Raven," Carson suggested.

RR76: I am very hyper right now. Why? No clue. Just review it dammit!!!


	5. I wanna be a dancer!

RRXI: Oy. Read onwards, yon confaith! Dar horbensharben des moins! Karharhar!

For all those who have NO idea what the hell I just said: Don't ask.

**Review Responses:**

**Since You've Been Gone: Nope! Torgo's just weird that way.**

**Saint H: Plotholes kick ass. And beefsteak IS delicious!**

**staticsponge123: Thank you. Pie is yummy. Why? Gashnooshnash. Sorry. I sneezed.**

* * *

Raven paced back and fourth in the mysteious Torgo-taken-care-of shack's living room. Torgo was twitching wildly in the doorway, babbling about the Master. Then Cyborg came in, a beefsteak slung over his forehead. 

"The car won't start," Cyborg sighed. "Looks like we'll be staying the night here. Torgo, get the luggage."

Torgo waddled through the front door. Meanwhile, Beast Boy burst through a side door that nobody noticed except just now.

"Dudes, you have to check this out," he babbled, and led them the door. Inside, several women sat in a circle, yelling 'watermelon' at each other. A doberman pincer was tied to a slab of cement a few feet away. Sitting on the slab was a man with pale white skin, black hair and a mustache. He looked like the biker from the Villiage People, 'cept he was wearing a black robe. The three teens recognized him as the man in the painting- The Master.

The Master saw them and stood, raising his arms, revealing giant red hands stitched on the flaps of his cloak.

"SALUTATIONS IMPERFECT BEINGS!" he shouted. "KNEEL AND TREMBLE BEFORE ME FOR I AM THE MASTER AND YOU ARE MYSTERIOUSLY DRAWN TO ME! I AM THE MAGNET, AND YOU ARE COLD STEEL! BOW DOWN BEFORE ME! **BOW DOWN!**"

The three gaped. "Um... huh?" Beast Boy asked.

Suddenly, the watermeloning women in the circle started to argue. "You are worthless!" a brunette said to a blond. "The man yes, the green thing no!"

"No! We only want the girl! The others must die! They all must die! We do not even want the girl!" a redhead shouted to the brunette.

"But Manos loves women," the blond pointed out. "The girl will grow into a woman."

"She may," the redhead said simply. The arguing women stopped arguing, and just sat stoicly.

Suddenly the Master started yelling. "SILENCE! SILENCE!"

"WHAT THE HELL!" Beast Boy shouted. "First of all, what kind of sicko keeps like 8 women in his... whatever the hell this room is, second of all, why are they all screaming watermelon? Third, the redhead can't decide what to do with 'the girl', and finally, THEY WEREN'T EVEN TALKING, WHY THE ARE YOU YELLING AT THEM TO BE QUIET!"

The room was silent again. Then suddenly, the women started wrestling. Beast Boy sighed. "And no one hears a word I say..."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Raven teased.

* * *

"This is degrading..." Carson said from the side seat in the R-Cycle. Of course, since they were going at 60 miles per hour with no windshield, it was kind of hard for Robin or Starfire, who was flying overhead, to hear. 

Then suddenly, they stopped at a roadside diner. "Anyone else hungry?" Robin asked, taking off his helmet.

Carson looked at the giant sign in front of the diner, which said "EAT". "Guess they forgot 'ME'" Carson muttered as they walked inside.

Inside was a girl who was dancing to some really bad music, which went something like this: "EVERYTHING I TOUCH TURNS TO GOOOOOOOOOLD! EVERYTHING I TOUCH TURNS TO GOOOOOOOLD!"

"I wonder what happens when this person touches gold," Starfire said. She then became very deep in thought about this strange concept.

The diner was small, with no boothes or tables, just a counter with a couple stools. The three of them sat at the stools and the dancing girl walked up to take their orders.

"What can I get you?" she asked, still dancing. She saw the R-Cycle and asked "Are you going to LA?"

"Actually, we-" "I would so much like to be a dancer in LA. But I can't. I have to stay here. I'm sorry, but I have to refuse your request."

"We didn't say anything..." Carson said darkly.

A loud, drunken voice called out "MICHELLE!" The dancing waitress (still dancing) moonwalked through the door to the kitchen. "Have some coffee, I'll be back."

A moment later they heard a slap and a cry. All three heads turned to look at the kitchen door. Or, rather, the sign on the door. "Hey, they got tacos!" Robin said gleefully.

Dancing Waitress YMCAd her way out of the kitchen and said "How far is it from here to LA? I want to come with you."

"HELLO! WE AREN'T GOING TO LA!" Carson shouted. Dancing Watress didn't seem to hear him and instead did the robot as she walked to the cash register. She pulled a few dollar bills from the register and turned back to face the Titans... but they were gone.

* * *

"Crazy waitress..." Robin muttered through his helmet.

"Uh... Robin?" Starfire said worridly. "It appears we are being followed..."

Let's check in on Crow, shall we?

* * *

Crow and RRXI were sitting on the couch watching Code Lyoko and making fun of it.

The theme song was playing: "And todaaaaay... we'll make EEEEE-VIL GO AWAY!"

"As long as they don't make AAAAAAAD-VIL go away, I'll need that by the end of the song." RRXI joked.

"Wait- make evil go away? Who wrote this- oh hey, listen: Techno-Cher!" Crow said, indicating the techno voice that was now singing incomprehensibly.

The title of the episode came on: "Killer Music" "Yeah, I know, this theme song DOES suck..." RRXI said. Crow laughed.

And that's the end of the chapter. Review!


	6. Kalgon

RR76: If anyone remembers this story, then read it. Otherwise, I will kill you. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**Responses:**

**SaintH: WATERMELON DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA WATERMELON WATERMELON DRAMA!**

**Yudimoose: No. He's a butler from hell. Bill Cosby frightens me.**

**purplemusicgoddes: I'm a comedian. It's my lot in life.**

**blah...don't sue.  
**

**I do not own the following:**

**Teen Titans**

**Crow T Robot**

**The term "Hellgod"**

**Half the dialogue in Carson**

**The Dancing Waitress**

**Kalgon**

**The Enforcers**

**Manos: The Hands of Fate**

**Fourthelement**

**Queen-Of-Azerath**

**People**

**A sword**

**Beefsteak **

**potatos...**

* * *

As Cyborg was jaunting merrily around the brush in the Torgo Shack from Hell, Torgo came running up behind him and whacked him on the head with his staff, and tried to tie him to a tree. He failed, so he just stuck his hand down Cyborg's pants. He failed at that as well. Cyborg has no pants, as you may know. 

Meanwhile, Raven and Beast Boy were going at it again on the Master's concrete slab. Then Torgo came and whacked Beast Boy on the head, tied him up and threw him in a closet with a beefsteak. Then Raven, noticing the abscence of mind-numbing pleasure, got up to look for Torgo. She found him twitching in the living room.

"Where's my man?" she demanded from Torgo.

"The M,aster li,kes you. He wan,ts you to be hi,s wife. He loves beu,tiful women. I want you!" Torgo babbled. Raven sighed.

* * *

Meanwhile...

* * *

Robin, Carson and Starfire were speeding along and got to a roadblock. In front of them were eight wedge-shaped golf carts, where people in tan jumpsuits and masks held blowdriers in their faces. 

"So...we've been stopped by gay golfing snowmobilers?" Carson asked.

The leader stepped out. "Pat Riley? Is that you?" Robin asked, as he looked like the legendary coach of the LA Lakers.

"I am not Pat Riley!" he boomed. "I...am Kalgon!"

The three Titans stared. Finally, Robin and Carson burst out laughing. "Shut up!" Kalgon shouted. "Don't make me poke my skull out at you!"

Just then, a weightlifter in a golf cart drove out of nowhere. He gave a long, girly bellow and bailed. The cart smashed into Kalgon and he exploded.

The Titans stared. "Okay... disturbing," Robin said. "Carson, you drive. Me and Starfire are gonna make loud cuddly obnoxious love in the sidecar!" Carson groaned, got into the driver seat, put on his headphones that blasted annoying J-Pop in his ears and drove.

* * *

Meanwhile...

* * *

Crow and RR76 continued to watch Code Lyoko.

"Odd, you've just lost 20 life points!" Jeremy shouted.

"So, what's he do again? I mean, other than sit on his ass and yell at them about how bad they're doing?" Crow asked.

Just then Aelita got into trouble for the billionth time that episode. She ran screaming in the other direction, shouting for Jeremy to help her.

"Behold, we now see the hidden power of Aelita! She can scream for help and run away!" RR76 said in awe.

* * *

RR76: I'm bored. Review please. 


	7. Manos

RR76: I am going to say this now, since nobody seems to understand...

**HEY! YOU! YEAH YOU! YOU SEE THAT LITTLE OPTION MENU THING DOWN THERE? AFTER YOU'RE DONE READING THE CHAPTER, SELECT SUBMIT REVIEW, CLICK GO, AND TELL ME WHAT YOU FRICKIN' THINK OF THE STORY! COME ON, IS IT REALLY THAT HARD? JUST A LITTLE BUTTON! WOULDN'T TAKE TWO MINUTES! SO GO! DO IT! NOW!**

There. Now have a nice day. And obey me. Or DIE!

**im in a kill people mood: How could anyone like a show with such lines as "Ooh, I hate those horrible crabs!" I mean, come one, all they do is PANT. They run around in virtual land and PANT. They run across a bridge t a retarded factory and PANT. Doesn't anyone in that show EXERCISE?**

**prosk8r712: Heh, it's based on a crappy movie filmed in El Paso by a manure salesman. It's called "Manos" the Hands of Fate.**

**Blah, blah, blah, don't own, yap yap blah blah drivel drivel drivel.**

* * *

In El Paso... 

Just then Beast Boy woke up from his closet and stepped out (insert gay joke here). He looked at Raven and Torgo standing together talking. "Oh, I see how it is now!" he yelled, and stormed off. Nobody heard him because, as I emphasized in The Zeppo, nobody likes him. Except Raven. And Forthelement. And a bunch of other people, but anyway...

Meanwhile, Cyborg woke up and had an epiphany. He realized what the Master and Torgo intended to do and rushed off back to the house. When he got there, he saw The Master standing in the front door. Cyborg shot him with his sonic cannon, and then all of a sudden, the camera got all blurry and faded out...faaaaaded out... to black. Yeah.

Meanwhile, the R-Cycle pulled up to the Manos Shack and Carson stepped out. "We're here," he told Robin and Starfire. "Get dressed and for God's sakes Starfire, get that out of your mouth!"

Starfire pulled out the lolipop she found under the dashboard. "Sorry," she said sheepishly.

The three Titans walked up to the Manos shack to see Cyborg standing in the doorway. "Hey Cy, where's Raven and Beast Boy?" Robin asked.

"Welcome," Cyborg droned in a monotone. "I am Victor. I take care of the place while the Master is away." Unfortunately, he was not accompanied by the Love Theme from Torgo. Which sounds like this: Do do do dododo do do do do do do dododo do do do do do do dododo do do do...

"Okay, Cyborg, now where's Beast Boy and Raven?" Carson asked, getting impatient.

"Let me get your luggage," Cyborg droned, and staggered to to the R-Cycle, grabbed the sidecar, and took it into the house while Robin cried over the damage.

"It's worse than I thought; he's been...MANOS-IZED!" Crow shouted, appearing out of nowhere.

Everyone jumped. "Crow! Where'd you come from?" yelped Robin.

"Plothole."

"Oh."

"Um, friends? I believe that is friend Raven dressed in the pink bedsheet?" Starfire said, pointing to the line of women filing out of the Manos Shack. Each was dressed in a pink bedsheet. Raven was in the center. Suddenly they all stopped and started arguing, shouting "WATERMELON!" at each other repeatedly. Then they stopped watermeloning and started walking again, followed by a gay Frank Zappa lookalike in a cheesy robe with giant red hands stitched on the flaps.

"See, that fellow over there is called the Master. He's really dumb but communicates with a dark god called "Manos" through a fire in his backyard. He has about agajillion wives (insert Morman joke here). He plans to go onto the Mountain of Something or Another and sacrifice Raven to "Manos"," Crow told them. "It was all in the movie "Manos" The Hands of Fate, one of the movies I had to watch in space. Well, everything except the sacrifice, the Author just pulled that out of his ass."

"Then we must stop this dark ritual of evil sacrifice!" Starfire shouted.

"Yes! Darkness!" Ansem shouted, coming out of nowhere. "DARKNESS DARKNESS DARKNESS DARKNESS DARKNESS!"

Carson shot him.

* * *

On Mount Something or Another... 

Beast Boy stalked The Master and his Wives to Mount Something or Another, grabbed Raven and pulled her into a cave. She started to shout "Watermelon!" but Beast Boy shoved a beefsteak in her mouth. She coughed and regained her Ravenness.

"Beast Boy...? What? Where are we? Why are we in a cave?" Raven asked.

"Long story. What I wanna know is what were you doing with that Torgo guy?" Beast Boy demanded.

Raven slapped him. "You think I'd date Torgo? God Beast Boy, you're the only freak on Earth that I'd go out with! I love you!"

Now to break up the touching scene with a massive burst of flame, some death, and a vat of pigs blood. Enjoy!

Carson teleported into the cave holding Terra in his right arm. Y'know, the way he teleports with the burst of flame. Then he pulled out his gun, shot Terra in the forehead and dunked her in a vat of pig's blood. See? Then he left.

"Terra! NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Beast Boy shouted. Raven slapped him.

"You're supposed to be over her, remember?" Raven snapped. "See THIS is why I slap you so much! You're always mooning over Terra!"

Meanwhile, Terra was still dead. Carson took her dead body, dressed it in a pink bedcloth and put it in with the rest of the Master's wives, only with a bomb attatched to it's face.

So when the Master reached the top of the mountain, with Torgo at his side, he started to chant. "O Manos, oh Hands of Fate! Thy priesthood remains steadfast! I sacrifice these wives to you, that you may be made manifest in the mortal plane! Kill! Kill! KILL!" So all of the wives died. Then Terra blew up.

Will the Master bring Manos into the world? Will evil reign over the...um...world? Will Code Lyoko ever stop sucking? Find out next chapter!

* * *

Meanwhile, RR76 was still watching Code Lyoko with Mas y Menos. 

Aelita was running and, you guessed it, panting.

"Ella está jugando detrás una grabación del ayer por la noche con Jeremy," Mas said. Menos chuckled.

Just then, she entered one of the towers. ¡Voy a tener poco una charla con los ejecutivos de Malboro Cigarrettes! Menos said, mimicking Aelita. The two burst out laughing.

RR76 looked confused. He doesn't speak Spanish.

* * *

RR76: Now. That little button right there? Click on it, and write a review. Please. Thank you. 


	8. Of beefsteak and music videos

RR76: This is the end. Yup, the final chapter. I'm sorry. I did get another idea for a story. Something equally funny. Possibly a sequel to this. Just wait and see... hahahahahahahahahahahaha...

**Responses:**

**im in a kill people mood: Yeah, she's dead. Again. Don't expect that to last. And another thing about Code: Lyoko...what's with the foreheads? They're so damn BIG!**

**EvilandBored: Sorry. I hate it. To each his/her own, I guess. I'm glad you like the story.**

**SaintH. I'm glad you enjoyed the badassness, otherwise I'd send my army of robotic autonomatonomatonomatons upon you! And the movie does suck. Most of the actors in it commited suicide after the first showing. Including Torgo.**

**If anyone is interested in learning more about "Manos" the Hands of Fate, go to:**

**www dot agonybooth dot com, go to reviews, and find "Manos". They make fun of it. It's hilarious, trust me.**

**HEY! YOU! YEAH YOU! YOU SEE THAT LITTLE OPTION MENU THING DOWN THERE? AFTER YOU'RE DONE READING THE CHAPTER, SELECT SUBMIT REVIEW, CLICK GO, AND TELL ME WHAT YOU FRICKIN' THINK OF THE STORY! COME ON, IS IT REALLY THAT HARD? JUST A LITTLE BUTTON! WOULDN'T TAKE TWO MINUTES! SO GO! DO IT! NOW!**

* * *

Back at Titan's Tower, Mas y Menos had disappeared into a horrific spider along with Code Lyoko, and RR76 had gone...somewhere. Possibly Turkey. Anyway, all that was left was a sappy Teen Titans music video someone made that sounded like it was sung by a donkey with a nasel problem. The lyrics were weird too. "I loooooooooook at yooooooooooooooooooouuu, you looooooooooook awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-eeeeeeeeee-aaaaaay... I waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant to teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell you whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat I'm feeeeeeeeeeeeeeelliiiiiiiiiiiing, but I don't know hoooooooooooooow to staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaart..." It was (drumroll) the same one that RR76 tortured himself with at his uncle's house! Dun dun dun! 

Wow, that was pointless. Back with the Titans...

* * *

The smoke and gore cleared, and the Master stood tall over the explodedededededededed body of Terra. "Foolish child!" he shouted, and gave an Evil Boistrous Laugh. "I wield the power of "Manos"! There are none who can stop me!" He shot Carson with a "Manos" ray and Carson turned into...a beefsteak. "Well, that sure sucks," Carson sighed, and the Master ran down to the Cave where Beast Boy and Raven were still hiding and making out. 

Then, all of a sudden, SAURON came! But then he died. Oh well.

Robin and Starfire charged up the hill. "CHAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!" Robin shouted. Then the Master shot him with a "Manos" ray and he turned into a...a...well, nothing actually. But then there was a massive horrific epic battle between the Master and the two Titans, which disturbed Raven and Beast Boy during their out-making.

"What the hell is going on out there?" Raven demanded. She ran outside and gasped at what she saw. "No! The Master has been infused with the power of "Manos"!" She turned to Beast Boy. "Go over there and help keep him busy!"

"Where are you going?" Beast Boy said, grabbing her arm.

She looked back at the Master. "The only person who can help us now..." She turned to leave, but Beast Boy tugged on her arm again. "Be careful," he whispered, and kissed her passionately as his hand slipped through her cloak to touch her...um...whoa, I didn't know that could bend that way...ahem.

After they had gotten dressed again, Raven rushed off. WHOOSH! And Beast Boy attacked the Master.

* * *

A knock was heard on the door and Mr. Garrison got up to answer it. "Oh, Raven, it's you. Come on in, how are you doing?" he said to his former student. 

"Fine. Listen, I need to see Mr. Slave," Raven told him.

"Of course, Mr. Slave is in the other room," Mr. Garrison told her. Raven went in there to see Mr. Slave bent over the counter.

"Oh, hello Raven, what can I do for you?" Mr. Slave asked sweetly.

Raven filled her in on wha had happened and Mr. Slave stood up. ""Manoth" hath returned! Quickly, to the Gaymobile!" And they took off to El Paso.

* * *

The three Titans and one beefsteak lay moaning on the ground and the Master let out another one of his trademark Evil Boistrous Laughs. "Foolish people, I, the Master, wield the might and fury of "Manos"! My darkness shall engulf the world under his power and...other...power...I guess." He paused and raised his arms. "Silence! SILENCE!" he shouted to the nothing. 

Suddenly, the Gaymobile pulled up and Mr. Slave ran out. "Okay Mr. Mathter, I'm gonna show you what I do to sthorry demonic overlord bathtardth like you!" Meanwhile, Raven sweatdropped.

He took a deep breath, jumped on the Master and pulled a Lemmiwinks. Everyone gaped at the display of gay whoreness and threw up everything they had ever eaten in their lives. Mr. Slave shrugged. "It'th not like thatth the firtht thing I've put up there!"

Back at the Tower, the Titans were regrouping from the horror they had just witnessed, only to find that the music video was still playing. "I waaaaaaaannnnt to teeeeeeeeell yooooooooooouuuuuuu but now Iiiiiiiiiiiii'm afraiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid that you might breaaaaaaaaaaak my heaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaart..." So Carson shot it and went into his room to sulk. He was unbeesteakized. Plothole. And Cyborg had been un-"Manos"ized and was currently doing something with meat. As he typically does.

Raven and Beast Boy went into the other room and put out a sign that said "Do not disturb under penalty of death and pain the likes of which have not been seen since Carson shot the sappy music video." So they were alone.

But in the land of El Paso, Texas, on the peak of Mount Something or Another, Torgo stood twitching and jerking violently. "The chi,ldren h,ave defea,ted the Ma,ster. They hav,e won for now, but will s,oon fac,e the wr,ath of TORgo! M,ua,ha,ha,ha,haha,ha,ha,h,ahahaha,ha..."

RR76: So. Review. Please. I beg of thee.


End file.
